Hero's

I was thinking today about who I class as my "hero's", and I can't come up with any obscure self help gurus or people who have overcome great adversities as my hero's are everyday people.
My list at present includes;
My dad, yes I know every girl's dad is her hero, but my dad really is.  He has lived and breathed organic farming his whole life.  He has more knowledge is one pinkie than most people I know.  He is well read and clever!  Plus he has a mad sense of humour!! There is never a dull moment with that man around.  He is kind and not worried by material things, he has always just done with what he has gotten but provided the world for his family.  He believes in me and in my journey to wellness.  I don't think my dad has ever said he loved us to any of us, our family is not really the emotion sharing centre, but I know he does and actions speak louder than any words.  I wish I could be half as smart as this man.  I respect him and I love him and I'm proud that I get to call him my father.
My mother; for obvious aformentioned reasons.  She is sometimes a wee bit mad!! But she gives everything to all of her children.  She has put up with a lot from all of us, sometimes not so silently.  But we all know what she does for us, even if she thinks it goes unnoticed.  She gave up the life she knew to move to the farm with my dad, which we all know she doesn't like!! But she is there and lives it each day and has been through all of the shit times, hopefully one day it will get easier for them!! Droughts, floods, hail, they've had it all.  Bloody mother nature can be a bitch sometimes.
Kathryn Alexander; http://www.kathrynalexander.com.au/; she is my naturopath, my Gerson's practitioner, she believes in me!  And I believe in her.  Her knowledge is unmatched and I truly trust this woman with my life!!  SO thankful that people I used to work with directed me towards her. 
Boss/Friend "M"; this is woman is truly special!! She would have to be the most beautiful, kind woman I have ever met!! I wish I could be like her!  She has been through some hard hard times but still sees the light at the end of the tunnel when I'm sure others would have given up and taken "easier" paths.  I am truly thankful to have had such an inspiring, strong, beautiful woman delivered to my life.
Max Gerson; for obvious reasons, the work that this man did is amazing!! And is being continued by his daughter and other practioners, the world needs more people who stand strong by what they believe in.

Obviously I can think of more and maybe when I'm not so sleep deprived from steroids I will take 5 to write about them but that's enough for now, but tell me yours??  Do you have a hero?  Or are you someones hero??

I hope that one day I can be my son's hero.  That would be amazing!!

It takes more than a cape to be a superhero.  It takes a good theme song!!

The D Word

Today in 'the cell' I had time to contemplate certain things........ of course the D worth comes up more often in my brain than I would like.
DEATH.  And that shits me!!  Because it's inevitable for us all!! And right at this moment maybe there is something that increases an earlier death than me than most of you, BUT you could choke on a chicken bone tonight!! I get hit by a taxi in the morning!  So I need to STOP thinking of this D word and add more LIFE into each day.

So today I lay and thought of more positive D words.
Dancing; I used to like Dancing, especially when I was Drinking!
Desire; can be for a person/SHOES/health
Determination; to succeed at whatever it is we are trying to overcome, work/health/love/friendship
Diet; without a good diet we have no HEALTH, which will lead us towards that nasty other  D word.

So each day I have decided to add more LIFE into each day by reminding myself that I am no more, no less, likely to encounter the nasty D word than everyone else.
And each day I have decided to give myself permission to do certain things:
1. I give my body permission to be healthy
2. I give cancer permission to leave
3. I give myself permission to not view myself as a cancer patient
4. I give myself permission to see the light side of things
5. I give myself permission to be angry, for a short period, and then breathe in and move on

I think people with bad health are given a raw deal by the medical profession, especially when they start handing out their numbers!!  I have met people who have been given these numbers and BELIEVE that they are going to die within that time!! They are creating a world full of self fulfilling prophecies!  How dare they sit and tell people they are going to die within a year!! Especially after you have filled them so full of shit they probably feel like they are living dead.
SO to the dr's numbers I say jam it!! Some of you thought I'd be dead with 15months and guess what!  I'm not yet!! And don't plan on being, being I have given myself permission to live, and live each day on my terms.  I had a good neurosurgeon whilst going through the operation etc, (HOT DR), anyhow he was LOVELY and not like a machine!!  The only one who actually sat down and was like "has anyone told you how the operation went" NO they just came on their rounds and gave their reviews to students as I was good for training!! SO he told me.  And then after the C word was dropped he took the time to come in and sit with him, and he said "Don't ever believe any numbers anyone tells you!  My brother had something like yours at 19 and he just turned 50.  SO don't believe the numbers" whether his brother really had a tumour I guess I'll ever know, but it's good to feel like someone is sitting in your corner.  So thank you hot dr!!
SO I try to only see hot dr's now ;-) (as it turns out my GP is a legend!!! Just writes up my blood request forms whenever I ask, and the look on his face when I said they wanted me to go on trial chemo drugs told me NO DON'T! and he thinks that doing gerson's is a great idea!!  and he is a mainstream dr!)

So when you step out tomorrow, watch out for taxi's!! Chew your chicken carefully!! And give yourself permission to be healthy each day!  And strive to be more than you were yesterday.

My body is my temple and I will learn to worship it with gratitude and treat it with love

The B O of it all

SO this may be a distastful subject, but hell my life is full of strange things these days!
So this natural living does have it's downsides.......
You are quite antisocial, can't eat out many places, can't eat at friends places.
You get stressed with trying to make vegetables interesting!
You need to find GOOD quality natural beauty products........
I HATE BO!!! I hate in on other people! And HATE in on me!
I must of been through about 10 different "natural" "organic" "aluminium free" deodorants in the last 12 months!  It's good for everyone to avoid aluminium anyhow (and I used to try to BUT the BO!!!!), as no living systems use aluminium as part of a biochemical process. It has a tendency to accumulate in the brain and bones!!! Great!! Linked to cancer, ADHD, alzhiemers....list goes on, it's bad shit!! Dr google will even tell you that!!

So this stinky quest has been getting my goat up!! You would like that as I don't eat any sugar, salt, animal products, fat, etc etc that I would be 1. SKINNY and 2. NOT STINKY!!  Well I've been jibbeed!!  And it seems that the last 6 weeks it's been getting out of control! And now add in the ROIDS!! Bloody hell, can I win?!

So yesterday I went on a new search!!  Found a great shop, bucket loads of deordorant......but reading the great labels doesn't mean it's going to be a winner for me........crystals, gels, sprays, roll ons........what will work!!
THis time around I selected a mineral essences roll on in pomegranate, and he have got through our first day as FRIENDS!  I am happier today with the pits!!  Small victories these days make me smile!  So I may now have won my war against the BO but I am armed now with a new magic roll on that will hoepfully keep working for me and keeping me less offensive!!

So the next challenge, some good new organic make up, SO much out there though I am not sure the bank account will agree with some of them!!

So that's me for today, slightly less stinky but with a bigger smile on my face!!

Do yourself a favour and try going and buy yourself a deodorant that will not harm you, but will keep you smelling sweet :-) 
And if you ever do smell me and you think "that's a bit off" TELL me!!!


Sometimes ' loving with half your heart is like eating a banana with it's skin on'

Irrational roid rage ?

There are certain sides effects I know taking these steroids cause (other than helping my brain not to swell out of my ears and nose), such as
1. I'm always hungry!!! So lucky I'm a bloody vegan and am not allowed to eat anything indulgent!
2. I get cranky!! I try to not snap and enhance the calm but I don't think it's the roids that get my goat up when people lie to me! Drs lie to me, I don't need people I love lying to me and justifying it as if it's ok and my fault?!
Call me a control freak, whatever, but when there is so much you can't control in your life you try to control what you can! Makes it hard to keep calm when people make you feel like you're a lunatic!! 
Tumours are apparently caused by holding on to things, grudges etc, so I do make an effort these days to move past things and let things go, but it's bloody hard when no one seems to notice this effort you're making and don't try and do the same!! 
And I know people think they're helping by going "you'll be ok" but no one has ever even dr googled what's going on with me, because maybe you wouldn't be so dismissive to the enormity of shitness I live each day! Whilst trying to operate normally and live like there's nothing wrong keeping everyone happy, which seemingly I fail at!

Have been on an adventure with my traveling partners here in the west this weekend, have travelled out into the wheat belt and seen "wave rock" and a cave. Interesting places as not something everyone does.  But note to self, after seeing the mother unit experience a hamburger from the coorigin servo, don't order a hamburger from the hot box! Involves $9, a microwave and 24hours of heart burn!! Amusing to me maybe not so much her!!

The midget and I both managed to fall like unco cows on our little walk in the bush this morning! Both "broke legs" apparently he told me, needed a band aid and we were fine to get on with the day!!

So we are whizzing back along some long repetitive roads towards Perth, and hungry!!!!!! Not so grumpy at the moment, but if I don't score a banana and spinach smoothie (my drug) this afternoon I'll be irate!

So with that ramble done, tell me how I can be interesting? I find myself boring!

So like John Lennon I'll just keep reminding myself "that everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok it's not the end"

Duty to Disclose

After yesterdays novice virgin blog I received lovely comments, thanks, but I do feel the duty to inform you I really don't think I'm that inspirational etc, I think you would all be the same.  It's only when hope is taken away that you realise that you need to create it yourself, and find things that can feed that hope.

Some days I am not positive and I'm angry!  Some days I get sad and want to scream!!  And I wish that there was someone to blame or hate for this, but sadly it's my body that has let me down.

Usually when I used to feel shitty I could have a drink!! Some lovely sparkles!  A vodka! Anything.......apparently those days are gone and now I can reach for some distilled water, with lemon if I'm feeling jazzy.  Or a juice.......juice, juice and more juice!!  I hate washing my juicer!!

After my last scan, not the perfect outcome, I needed to reevaluate my approach and this is when I decided full time with the gersons and my lovely boss discovered an amazing girl my age not 1.5 hours up the road for me on her own gersons journey.  She has even travelled to the Gersons clinic in Mexico and has amazing knowledge.  The discovery of her cemented my commitment to this new journey, as it's a real life person living this journey and if you haven't seen her blog go and look http://www.thewellnesswarrior.blogspot.com/

Things I never thought I'd be:
A vegan!
A teetotaller!
A "cancer patient" (still don't really think I am)
An enema advocate!
A grown up (one day at a time but surely one day I will be)!

How things change!!

So I am off for more treatment today, another spew no doubt, then into the city for a nosey around.  13 more sessions in the "cell" and I'm done again and off home to start on the new path. Need a new fridge to store my 20kg of carrots a week in! The mind boggles.

I'll try and think of how I can be interesting...........

Until then "my life is a journey that is the greatest adventure with you by my side"

Blogging ???

I created this blog over one year ago I am guessing by it's description......before my life changed! 
Have never blogged before as I think "who would care" "I have nothing interesting to say", nothing has changed hahaha but I think I want to talk to myself.

My life so far I have condensed into dates, dates that make me who I am TODAY.
6th January 1985; I was born, in a dramatic fashion of course, kicked my the "waste bag" open and covered myself with my own shit from the womb!
29th April 2007; gave birth to my beautiful, crazy, mischief, lovable son Xavier-Joseph
20th March 2010; had my last alcoholic beverage :-( (I swear I am much more interesting drunk!!), had a seizure, the "tumour" was found.
29th March 2010; the (supposed benign) tumour was evicted.
7th April 2010; the C-bomb was dropped on me, NOT bengin Stage III Oliodrendroglioma (nasty bastard that's not got a good reputation, like most brain tumours)

What was offered:
Radiation; may help to "extent" survival to 5 years, but no chance of cure, short term memory loss, damage to glands, hair loss, increased risk of other cancers, communciation issues.
Chemo; TRIAL drugs as it is identified as being a tumour unresponsive to chemo, but hey we would like to try on you!  Poison you and wreck your immunity, make you feel ike shit and lower your quality of life....

NO CURE.......

I don't like these options, so time to look elsewhere, sink or swim........

Of course I want QUANITY in my life, but I also need QUALITY!  Why can't I kill this cancer??  Or at least manage it so that I can LIVE.

What we found:
Gersons therapy; I have been doing a modified version of this since May 2010, as I wanted to try and maintain a life and work to provide for my family.........April 2011 will see me stop working full time and embark on full time gersons therapy (maybe should of gone the whole hog from the start).....I'm not gersons expert, but in a nutshell it's going to be me on a hard core strict dietary healing adventure for the next 2 years, constantly detoxing and pumping my body full of fresh organic juices (13 a day), raw foods, not animal products, coffee enemas, castor oil, supplements and enzymes.  Reset my body, get the oxygen back into the blood, alkalinity restored, make it impossible for cancer to survive!!  This is my wish.
Radiowave therapy; in a nushell; Dr Holt's theory that cancer needs to sugar to grow, so block the body from taking up sugar and treat with radiowaves (lower on the spectrum than microwaves) which encourages cells to grow, but no sugar = starve!!  Hopefuly.  Here on my third treatment trip now, and will see in the anniversary of the start of this journey in treatment.  Bitter sweet??  Have heard such amazing stories from other patients on all trips and it gives hope.  And that's what I need, we all need.

Who lets me do this....
Parents;
My dad; with his healthy dose of conspiracy theories and background in organic farming, much prefers to see his daughter treated with things that makes sense to him.  And provides me with different suggestions all the time, even suggesting eaating dirt....
My mother; gives everything to all of her children and has had to sell all body organs to bring me to Perth for treastment.  My travelling companion, shopping buddy and she tastes all of the alcohol over here for me, selfless!
My partner; works 70+ hours a week to provide for us and still comes home to put up with me; my craziness, my mood swings and my shitty news, still manages to say that he loves me each day.
My sisters and brother; there supporting me always, my youngest sister lives with me and plays a big part in helping care from my son, his second mother.
Friends; I am definately gifted with QUALITY in that department!!  Whether they have been in my life for 23 years or 1 year I have been sent some of the most amazing people to share my journey through life with.  They support every crazy idea I have and never lose hope in my victory.  I just hope they know how special each one is to me, and each brings me something different and injects light and laughter into my days!
My bosses; I truly have been blessed with supportive bosses!!  They have worked around me and supported me during all of the treatments, Dr's appointments, time off and crazy ideas, when most bosses would say enough is enough.  One inparticular has enriched my life so much and lets me share my crazy and sometimes gross stories with her!
My son; obviously is still my reason for everything.  For believing in a cure and in being there for him.
My stepdaughter; a girl that has been through enough, and well if I'm not here to motivate her father to motivate her, who will?? HAHAHA
My survival list:
1. I will see my son graduate from high school
2. I will dance with my son at his wedding
3. I will grow old and senile and pester young people
4. I will give birth to a daughter.
5. I will prove a point to the medical profession who don't believe in cures

Medicine is a business, a profit focused business, they are not here to save my life.

Anyhow maybe I will get a handle on this "blogging" business, even if I don't maybe it will supply me with some sanity?  Maybe to late for that??

Anyhow "my brain is perfectly healthy and my body is strong"