Well I haven't written in over 2 months.....
I could have.
I could have written about the partial seizure I had at the end of August, where I couldn't speak for an hour.
I could have written about the CT they did in the emergency room and sent me home and said there was a mark and if they didn't call by 8.30pm not to worry.
I could have written that they called at 9.30pm saying there's was a new tumor.
I could have written that the neurosurgeons organised an MRI for me 3 weeks after the seizure.
I could have written that no one contacted me about the MRI until my Dr rang them, the next day they saw me. October 18th, nearly 2 months after the partial seizure.
"My waiting list is 3 months, but I think you need to have an operation within 10days", FML. So with my script for steroids and seizure medications I went home.
I don't know whether it was a reaction to taking this all in but that night was not normal. I couldn't sleep, I was spewing, I couldn't use my right hand. This was not normal.
Off to the hospital.
Then next 3 days are all but gone. I remember getting to the hospital and sitting in the waiting room, sitting in a wheelchair and laying on a bed wanting to just sleep. My eyes were sore. This was Wednesday.
I'm not sure were Thursday went...... I remembered my family and friends there. Hearing about my son's prep interview and making my friend takes my earring out.
I remembered having a shower, and being wheeled to the operation. The anaesthetists was shithouse that day at getting the heart monitor needle in!! Stabby stab!! My whole wrist was bruised! Then there were freaking out at how low my heart rate was, I'm a ninja hello!!!
This time, I don't remember waking up in recovery, only in ICU. And I still couldn't talk (did I mention that? Well I couldn't) which was frustrating!
I lived through the night in ICU, evens though they were still freaking out about my heart rate, apparently it was 26 beats a minute a some stages. Ninja!!
They let me have a walk the next morning, but wouldn't take the bloody catheter out!!! The lovely nurse did last time, this time that made me keep it in for 2 nights!! This makes an unhappy Marg! Also making me unhappy was the fact that I couldn't remember eating since Tuesday (it's Saturday) and the vegan food they serve in hospital is not good!! I was starving and I got handed a tofu, yucky pesto, lettuce and tomato sandwich. GROSS!! Picked off the tofu and pesto, taste still remained. YUCK!
I was home by Tuesday. I still can't talk the best, but it's better! It's all working in my mind, it's the forming the words to come out that needs effort. But I will keep practising.
Now people probably think I'm stupid etc, that's I'm risking my life not taking some magic pills etc. But there's is not magic pills!
I'm back on my juicing, I have not missed a juice time or meal since getting out.
I was sabotaging myself.
1. I was spending a minimum of 6 hours a the gym a week, not allowed.
2. I was not eating Hippocrates soup twice daily, lets face it I hardly was eating it.
3. I was not eating the right things, at the right times.
4. I ate food that I wasn't supposed to when we were stuck out etc.
5. I drank occasional decaf coffee.
6. Never meditated
7. wasn't doing yoga
8. I wasn't releasing the past and practising forgiveness.
9. I was not doing all I could.
So maybe I am crazy. But I still have hope. Definitely not giving in. Definitely still fighting. It won't kill me. We are all dying. I might get hit a bus.
The power of the mind is a magical thing. And I won't let mine be told that it's got no hope. Because I still do. I'm too stubborn (and silly maybe) to let myself be told otherwise.
So.....I'm still here. Don't plan on checking out soon either.
I approve of myself
I could have.
I could have written about the partial seizure I had at the end of August, where I couldn't speak for an hour.
I could have written about the CT they did in the emergency room and sent me home and said there was a mark and if they didn't call by 8.30pm not to worry.
I could have written that they called at 9.30pm saying there's was a new tumor.
I could have written that the neurosurgeons organised an MRI for me 3 weeks after the seizure.
I could have written that no one contacted me about the MRI until my Dr rang them, the next day they saw me. October 18th, nearly 2 months after the partial seizure.
"My waiting list is 3 months, but I think you need to have an operation within 10days", FML. So with my script for steroids and seizure medications I went home.
I don't know whether it was a reaction to taking this all in but that night was not normal. I couldn't sleep, I was spewing, I couldn't use my right hand. This was not normal.
Off to the hospital.
Then next 3 days are all but gone. I remember getting to the hospital and sitting in the waiting room, sitting in a wheelchair and laying on a bed wanting to just sleep. My eyes were sore. This was Wednesday.
I'm not sure were Thursday went...... I remembered my family and friends there. Hearing about my son's prep interview and making my friend takes my earring out.
I remembered having a shower, and being wheeled to the operation. The anaesthetists was shithouse that day at getting the heart monitor needle in!! Stabby stab!! My whole wrist was bruised! Then there were freaking out at how low my heart rate was, I'm a ninja hello!!!
This time, I don't remember waking up in recovery, only in ICU. And I still couldn't talk (did I mention that? Well I couldn't) which was frustrating!
I lived through the night in ICU, evens though they were still freaking out about my heart rate, apparently it was 26 beats a minute a some stages. Ninja!!
They let me have a walk the next morning, but wouldn't take the bloody catheter out!!! The lovely nurse did last time, this time that made me keep it in for 2 nights!! This makes an unhappy Marg! Also making me unhappy was the fact that I couldn't remember eating since Tuesday (it's Saturday) and the vegan food they serve in hospital is not good!! I was starving and I got handed a tofu, yucky pesto, lettuce and tomato sandwich. GROSS!! Picked off the tofu and pesto, taste still remained. YUCK!
I was home by Tuesday. I still can't talk the best, but it's better! It's all working in my mind, it's the forming the words to come out that needs effort. But I will keep practising.
Now people probably think I'm stupid etc, that's I'm risking my life not taking some magic pills etc. But there's is not magic pills!
I'm back on my juicing, I have not missed a juice time or meal since getting out.
I was sabotaging myself.
1. I was spending a minimum of 6 hours a the gym a week, not allowed.
2. I was not eating Hippocrates soup twice daily, lets face it I hardly was eating it.
3. I was not eating the right things, at the right times.
4. I ate food that I wasn't supposed to when we were stuck out etc.
5. I drank occasional decaf coffee.
6. Never meditated
7. wasn't doing yoga
8. I wasn't releasing the past and practising forgiveness.
9. I was not doing all I could.
So maybe I am crazy. But I still have hope. Definitely not giving in. Definitely still fighting. It won't kill me. We are all dying. I might get hit a bus.
The power of the mind is a magical thing. And I won't let mine be told that it's got no hope. Because I still do. I'm too stubborn (and silly maybe) to let myself be told otherwise.
So.....I'm still here. Don't plan on checking out soon either.
I approve of myself
