Today in 'the cell' I had time to contemplate certain things........ of course the D worth comes up more often in my brain than I would like.
DEATH. And that shits me!! Because it's inevitable for us all!! And right at this moment maybe there is something that increases an earlier death than me than most of you, BUT you could choke on a chicken bone tonight!! I get hit by a taxi in the morning! So I need to STOP thinking of this D word and add more LIFE into each day.
So today I lay and thought of more positive D words.
Dancing; I used to like Dancing, especially when I was Drinking!
Desire; can be for a person/SHOES/health
Determination; to succeed at whatever it is we are trying to overcome, work/health/love/friendship
Diet; without a good diet we have no HEALTH, which will lead us towards that nasty other D word.
So each day I have decided to add more LIFE into each day by reminding myself that I am no more, no less, likely to encounter the nasty D word than everyone else.
And each day I have decided to give myself permission to do certain things:
1. I give my body permission to be healthy
2. I give cancer permission to leave
3. I give myself permission to not view myself as a cancer patient
4. I give myself permission to see the light side of things
5. I give myself permission to be angry, for a short period, and then breathe in and move on
I think people with bad health are given a raw deal by the medical profession, especially when they start handing out their numbers!! I have met people who have been given these numbers and BELIEVE that they are going to die within that time!! They are creating a world full of self fulfilling prophecies! How dare they sit and tell people they are going to die within a year!! Especially after you have filled them so full of shit they probably feel like they are living dead.
SO to the dr's numbers I say jam it!! Some of you thought I'd be dead with 15months and guess what! I'm not yet!! And don't plan on being, being I have given myself permission to live, and live each day on my terms. I had a good neurosurgeon whilst going through the operation etc, (HOT DR), anyhow he was LOVELY and not like a machine!! The only one who actually sat down and was like "has anyone told you how the operation went" NO they just came on their rounds and gave their reviews to students as I was good for training!! SO he told me. And then after the C word was dropped he took the time to come in and sit with him, and he said "Don't ever believe any numbers anyone tells you! My brother had something like yours at 19 and he just turned 50. SO don't believe the numbers" whether his brother really had a tumour I guess I'll ever know, but it's good to feel like someone is sitting in your corner. So thank you hot dr!!
SO I try to only see hot dr's now ;-) (as it turns out my GP is a legend!!! Just writes up my blood request forms whenever I ask, and the look on his face when I said they wanted me to go on trial chemo drugs told me NO DON'T! and he thinks that doing gerson's is a great idea!! and he is a mainstream dr!)
So when you step out tomorrow, watch out for taxi's!! Chew your chicken carefully!! And give yourself permission to be healthy each day! And strive to be more than you were yesterday.
My body is my temple and I will learn to worship it with gratitude and treat it with love
DEATH. And that shits me!! Because it's inevitable for us all!! And right at this moment maybe there is something that increases an earlier death than me than most of you, BUT you could choke on a chicken bone tonight!! I get hit by a taxi in the morning! So I need to STOP thinking of this D word and add more LIFE into each day.
So today I lay and thought of more positive D words.
Dancing; I used to like Dancing, especially when I was Drinking!
Desire; can be for a person/SHOES/health
Determination; to succeed at whatever it is we are trying to overcome, work/health/love/friendship
Diet; without a good diet we have no HEALTH, which will lead us towards that nasty other D word.
So each day I have decided to add more LIFE into each day by reminding myself that I am no more, no less, likely to encounter the nasty D word than everyone else.
And each day I have decided to give myself permission to do certain things:
1. I give my body permission to be healthy
2. I give cancer permission to leave
3. I give myself permission to not view myself as a cancer patient
4. I give myself permission to see the light side of things
5. I give myself permission to be angry, for a short period, and then breathe in and move on
I think people with bad health are given a raw deal by the medical profession, especially when they start handing out their numbers!! I have met people who have been given these numbers and BELIEVE that they are going to die within that time!! They are creating a world full of self fulfilling prophecies! How dare they sit and tell people they are going to die within a year!! Especially after you have filled them so full of shit they probably feel like they are living dead.
SO to the dr's numbers I say jam it!! Some of you thought I'd be dead with 15months and guess what! I'm not yet!! And don't plan on being, being I have given myself permission to live, and live each day on my terms. I had a good neurosurgeon whilst going through the operation etc, (HOT DR), anyhow he was LOVELY and not like a machine!! The only one who actually sat down and was like "has anyone told you how the operation went" NO they just came on their rounds and gave their reviews to students as I was good for training!! SO he told me. And then after the C word was dropped he took the time to come in and sit with him, and he said "Don't ever believe any numbers anyone tells you! My brother had something like yours at 19 and he just turned 50. SO don't believe the numbers" whether his brother really had a tumour I guess I'll ever know, but it's good to feel like someone is sitting in your corner. So thank you hot dr!!
SO I try to only see hot dr's now ;-) (as it turns out my GP is a legend!!! Just writes up my blood request forms whenever I ask, and the look on his face when I said they wanted me to go on trial chemo drugs told me NO DON'T! and he thinks that doing gerson's is a great idea!! and he is a mainstream dr!)
So when you step out tomorrow, watch out for taxi's!! Chew your chicken carefully!! And give yourself permission to be healthy each day! And strive to be more than you were yesterday.
My body is my temple and I will learn to worship it with gratitude and treat it with love
2 comments:
You really are amazing! I am so glad to have the pleasure of knowing you. I know that sounds soppy, but listening to the way you are dealing with your journey has made my trivial matters seem so much easier to live with. I think of you every day, especially when I am feeling like it's all to hard, you're my virtual kick up the butt.
Promise I will keep a close eye on the taxis from now on.
You are a natural at this chicky.
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