This was my day yesterday. And I hate it.
It didn't start off like this, but it sure did end up like this!!
Treatment is hard this week, the intensity has been turned up and it's making me tireder than usual. Add that on top of already feeling emotional and exhausted from everything else and I'm not in a happy place.
The cell was hard yesterday as I had silence, as the nurse was a twit and had my music turned down so I couldn't gage how long I had to go in there. My visualisation for the day was the world REGRESSION, picturing the day that the Dr has to tell me there has been disease regression. I didn't realise it was just going to turn into my life regressing! As usual outside factors are my fault! Obviously I'm not supportive enough, don't try hard enough. Why the hell try so bloody hard to please everyone when I'm so far off base it's ridiculous. Regressing to when I'm always wring, even though it's not my interests I have at heart! When my efforts have absolutely no benefit for me!
Maybe I expect too much from everyone, yet give so little myself.
When do you give up and realise you have failed? When do you stop fighting to keep the wheels turning when they have probably already fallen off? I am stubborn and usually don't like to admit failure but maybe I need to start identifying when I can't win.
So today I start my day feeling like a failure and a waste of space. And I want cheese! I wish I could have cheese. And I'm sorry to anyone who I don't please all of the time. Sorry for the poor me whinge today, I hate to write it and I'm sure a pain to read. My problems I know are trivial to most! But jeepers my goat is up today and I wish I could put it into words and spew them out and be free of the virus of self pity.
So 3 days and 87minutes to go in the cell. Off I go. To dream of cheese. I wonder if I'm allowed music today!
If you can take the worst moment out of your day and turn it into a lesson maybe it was worth it
It didn't start off like this, but it sure did end up like this!!
Treatment is hard this week, the intensity has been turned up and it's making me tireder than usual. Add that on top of already feeling emotional and exhausted from everything else and I'm not in a happy place.
The cell was hard yesterday as I had silence, as the nurse was a twit and had my music turned down so I couldn't gage how long I had to go in there. My visualisation for the day was the world REGRESSION, picturing the day that the Dr has to tell me there has been disease regression. I didn't realise it was just going to turn into my life regressing! As usual outside factors are my fault! Obviously I'm not supportive enough, don't try hard enough. Why the hell try so bloody hard to please everyone when I'm so far off base it's ridiculous. Regressing to when I'm always wring, even though it's not my interests I have at heart! When my efforts have absolutely no benefit for me!
Maybe I expect too much from everyone, yet give so little myself.
When do you give up and realise you have failed? When do you stop fighting to keep the wheels turning when they have probably already fallen off? I am stubborn and usually don't like to admit failure but maybe I need to start identifying when I can't win.
So today I start my day feeling like a failure and a waste of space. And I want cheese! I wish I could have cheese. And I'm sorry to anyone who I don't please all of the time. Sorry for the poor me whinge today, I hate to write it and I'm sure a pain to read. My problems I know are trivial to most! But jeepers my goat is up today and I wish I could put it into words and spew them out and be free of the virus of self pity.
So 3 days and 87minutes to go in the cell. Off I go. To dream of cheese. I wonder if I'm allowed music today!
If you can take the worst moment out of your day and turn it into a lesson maybe it was worth it
1 comment:
naw hun....if anybody can have a nad pitty day its SO you!!!
HUGS xxx
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