Somedays it's crap to be a "cancer patient" because I don't feel sick. I don't look sick. I guess a lot if the time I don't believe I'm sick. Which is good!! It means that, usually, I don't feel too sorry for myself. But it makes me think, is this dangerous? Like I'm letting my guard down to an invisible army waiting to burn down my village and steal all my corn.
I feel the same I've always felt, apart from some headaches but that's life when you get it cracked open and fiddled with, I wonder.....do I really have cancer? If I was letting them poison me with radiation and chemotherapy then I'd KNOW I was sick! I feel like I was! And I'd probably look like I was. But I don't want that! I don't want to gamble my memory, glands and cognitive functions with radiation that will probably result in cancer later in life and probably won't stop the "the perfect cancer". I don't want to gamble my immune system and general health on being a guinea pig in a chemotherapy trial! They've said, it will come back no matter what, worse. These guys aren't very good salesman!!
"the perfect cancer" because it's up there, romping around like it owns the place with no rules. But here is the GOOD thing, brain cancer doesn't travel to your other organs like other cancers, yay. But maybe that's because there is already enough vital operations happening upstairs (though I wonder with me at times)......apparently it grows and starts to damage things. Squishes them. Damages nerves. Fits. Strokes. Hhhhhmmmmm answer........work on not letting it grow!!!
Alkalinity.........if your body is alkaline cancer can not exist. So this is the basic mission I'm on!!! In a nut shell!
So I don't feel "sick" and I hope I never do!!! My path may make me very anti social but I'll feel good while being locked in my house drinking juice and doing enemas! Learning to just be. And thinking myself healthy. So each day we feel fine is not a wasted day! Some people don't have the luxury of feeling fine and moaning about traffic and their jobs.
So I hope my biggest worry each day is whether my bum looks big in my shorts because that's a good day!!
Be present in the moment and that moment is a present
I feel the same I've always felt, apart from some headaches but that's life when you get it cracked open and fiddled with, I wonder.....do I really have cancer? If I was letting them poison me with radiation and chemotherapy then I'd KNOW I was sick! I feel like I was! And I'd probably look like I was. But I don't want that! I don't want to gamble my memory, glands and cognitive functions with radiation that will probably result in cancer later in life and probably won't stop the "the perfect cancer". I don't want to gamble my immune system and general health on being a guinea pig in a chemotherapy trial! They've said, it will come back no matter what, worse. These guys aren't very good salesman!!
"the perfect cancer" because it's up there, romping around like it owns the place with no rules. But here is the GOOD thing, brain cancer doesn't travel to your other organs like other cancers, yay. But maybe that's because there is already enough vital operations happening upstairs (though I wonder with me at times)......apparently it grows and starts to damage things. Squishes them. Damages nerves. Fits. Strokes. Hhhhhmmmmm answer........work on not letting it grow!!!
Alkalinity.........if your body is alkaline cancer can not exist. So this is the basic mission I'm on!!! In a nut shell!
So I don't feel "sick" and I hope I never do!!! My path may make me very anti social but I'll feel good while being locked in my house drinking juice and doing enemas! Learning to just be. And thinking myself healthy. So each day we feel fine is not a wasted day! Some people don't have the luxury of feeling fine and moaning about traffic and their jobs.
So I hope my biggest worry each day is whether my bum looks big in my shorts because that's a good day!!
Be present in the moment and that moment is a present
3 comments:
whoops its DAPHNE I forgot I was still logged in as a dt member lol
Scrapbooking Haven said...
Love your way with words. I think I would wonder too if it was real...I think its ok to let your guard slip a little and live life...but your juicing etc so not like you really are letting it slide....Your determination to kick its butt is so encouraging to little old sooks like me worrying about back surgery....its nothing compared to the shoes you are wearing.
Keep up the great fighting spirit xxx
SORRY ABOUT THE OTHER POSTS LOL
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